Grey approached the solitary figure from behind, coming to stand beside him at the railing. The observatory windows stretched wide in front of the two figures, the second level quieter than usual.
"Grey."
"Raike."
For a while, they both stood in silence, looking out over the planet below, and the quieter parts of the spaceport that could be seen from here.
Watching a group of tourists free jump to the surface from the diving platforms, Grey smiled, remembering how the two of them had played hooky from the academy countless times, making fun of the tourists on their overly expensive tours while the two of them had snuck to the surface for the real experience.
Raike saw the smile out of the corner of his eye. "Remembering the canyon?" He was still facing the window, but a smile played at the edge of his mouth.
"And the resulting hospital trip you had to hide from the Sargent!" Grey's smile widened. "Of course, he always knew anyway."
"Only because you couldn't help giggling to yourself every time he asked about my arm."
"I do not giggle!"
"Sure, just like you never smuggled alcohol into the dorms."
Grey snorted. "We would never have been caught if Harre hadn't noticed we were hammered and insisted we share."
They fell back to companionable silence. At one side of the window they could see part of a ship slowly turning, aligning with an empty cargo docking bay.
"Nice engines."
Raike glanced sideways, but when Grey remained facing forward, he turned back to the window. "I had a tour this morning - shiniest star-class forty fives you've ever seen. I'm going to be run ragged mopping up every spec of oil, assuming Lieutenant Roe ever trusts me enough to go near his babies."
"At least you'll be serving on a star-class! My boat could hardly win a race with a Jovian slug."
Raike ignored the tightening in his chest at the reminder of the different ship, and their imminent parting of ways. "You'll be running it within the month, Science Officer notwithstanding. The poor saps don't know what they're in for."
Grey smiled at that. "I don't know what you're talking about; I'm a model officer who would never speak out of turn."
Raike barked a laugh before straightening his face and turning to look at Grey, eyes wide. "And I'm a three-toed jack rabbit with a penchant for lettuce."
"To be fair, lettuce is pretty great."
"I believe that is what we in the business call a 'shit-eating grin'."
"You would know!"
The banter continued, sharing memories and jokes for a little longer, but soon Raike was looking at his watch reluctantly. “I have to report in at 0800.”
Grey sighed, and looked the other way.
Raike tried to cheer them both up. “Who would have thought the two top students would get the best postings?”
“Who would have thought an engineer and scientists would need different things out of a ship?” Grey retorted, reminding them that they were about to board very different ships, going in very different directions. Grey’s sarcasm came with a sad smile that Raike couldn’t see.
Raike’s heart clenched and he carefully placed a hand on the rail, next to but not quite touching Grey’s, holding his breath. After a moment, Grey turned back, crossing arms as if to keep something contained. “Well. Have fun! Not that getting your hands dirty is fun, but there really is no accounting for taste. We’ll keep in touch?”
“Of course you nonce, we’ve assignments, we’re not dying! We’ll meet back here every few months, and there is always the intra-net. You can brag to me how quickly you take command.”
“Science Officer, Raike.” Grey said this with an exasperation that spoke of excessive repetition.
Raike just rolled his eyes, knowing better. “Anyway. We’ll talk?”
Grey wished he would talk about switching assignments, or just ask Grey to stay, rather than this polite goodbye. What came out instead was, “yeah, I’ll see you ‘round.”
Raike smiled. “Good luck.”
Grey looked down at their feet for a moment, boots toe to toe, then looked up and smiled. “See you later.”
As Grey turned and walked away, Raike let out his breath. A quiet “don’t go” escaped with it, but Grey was already too far to hear.
Another good one overall. I'd say that they felt a little too much on the fan-fiction side of teasing and feminine gayness, but at the same time I liked that they were fun and had personality (I think my complaint might be that they feel so unmasculine, which is weird coming from me, but when they're both gay characters it feels a bit more... unfair to them, somehow). I'd even say that Raike and Grey felt a little bit on the cheesy side as names, not that I'm good with names either. It just felt like they were somehow immediately obvious as who they'd be, somehow hitting a bit of a female writer cliché for sci-fi/fantasy guys. (which is weird, because I don't even read any of that stuff). Masking them behind less awesome names might have made the reveal of who they were a bit more unexpected and interesting, and perhaps moving the start of the heavily implied romantic affection to a later point in the story, showing that they're hiding their feelings more until push comes to shove, with time running short (which might be a flaw on my part, as I keep thinking of these as complete short stories with an overall plot and twist, when they're perhaps just meant to be individual scenes, though perhaps it's good to think of that as the same thing).
ReplyDeleteFor parts which were difficult: The mention of the second level in the first paragraph. It wasn't quite clear where or what that was, but I sort of pieced it together. I almost feel like it could have been broken into two shorter sharper sentences instead of a comma, and maybe 'stretched wide' was too many words, when 'stretched' might have worked just as well, if not better. These are just my amateur opinions based on my momentary stumbles while reading though.
The comment about Harre noticing that they were hammered, feels like it needs a 'that' to break it up, 'if Harre hadn't noticed that we were hammered'. It's easier to read the second time, but the first time I stumbled there. Though at that point the sentence is perhaps becoming too long with too many components, which I think might have been part of why I stumbled there in the first place.
I wasn't entirely sure what the Science Officer notwishstanding line meant, maybe that he'd be running it even though he was the science officer? (I think it began to make more sense in retrospect, which I like, but the sentence itself was a bit confusing about the implied meaning).
Stating that the banter continued felt a bit heavy on the tell side, though the subsequent parts pulled me back in pretty quickly. It might just be better to not have a time skip, or find a less clinical way of describing it. If anybody had passed, they'd have seen two figures chatting while leaning on the railing over the next two hours, or something. IDK, mine's probably bad too :P, but I'm just trying to throw out suggestions.
The whisper at the end felt a little forced, almost somehow like a tell, when it was obvious at that point, and perhaps would have just been better showing his emotions without words, perhaps with a mention about his face dropping or something.
I was never entirely clear on who was who and which role they had, if that matters. Perhaps by describing them as one tall and one short, or one blonde or one brunette, or one pale and one dark, etc. Or one square jawed and one narrow (which might be a bit stereotypical to fit with the roles of engineer and scientist, but might make it easier to identify them apart and build a visual narrative, and stereotypes also often exist for a reason I guess, so it might feel believable anyway).
All just my random amateur thoughts. Overall it was good.